There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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