If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
there's paper in my vomit.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
