I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
