...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Mom said you looked used
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
