Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
