There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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