remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
And then he peed in my hair
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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