If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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