u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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