ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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