You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
