Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
