Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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