i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
