I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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