omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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