I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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