So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
