It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
