new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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