Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
