remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
