A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
