So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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