Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
