I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
