Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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