my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
