She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
