I think im going to throw up on grandma
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
