Pregnant stripper...not hot.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
