I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Randomize
