saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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