The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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