I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
this will be a night to untag.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
