You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
It all started with a game of naked twister.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
