there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize