Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
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