Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
