Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
