you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
