dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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