The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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