So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
