The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
