Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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