just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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