I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
