i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Randomize
