Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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