he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
