wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
