TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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