Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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