I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
