:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
