The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Randomize
