I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I cockslap morals
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I think I sprained my soul last night
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
