i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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