I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
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