I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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