I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Randomize
