i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize