Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
