i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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