everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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