We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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