how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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