It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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