i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
