What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
