Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
