I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
ttyl tear gas
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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