Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize