Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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