Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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