I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
