Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
everyone is single if you try hard enough
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
