Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
You left your underwear on the fireplace
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
